What motherhood has taught me about my depression

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anthrogoddess
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 00:19:07

    Ohhhh yes, I can totally relate. I think being a mum is difficult enough in terms of battling the mother-guilt all day everyday. We are bombarded with mixed messages re how to be the ‘perfect’ mother, and that if you aren’t, your child will grow up to be a criminal/mental health case/addict/whatever. But so mixed are these messages, forever changing, that you’re bound to screw up regardless. If you also have an ongoing fight with your own mental health, such as depression, it’s even more exhausting and difficult to keep perspective on how our mothering is *actually* going. You gotta just look at your kids, and ask, just this one question; do they know, absolutely, that they are loved unconditionally? Because at the end of the day, that’s truly all that matters.

    Reply

  2. MummyNeverSleeps
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 07:54:01

    Aha yes, the sneaky little thoughts that cloud EVERYTHING. I’ve said many times my partner could tell me a million times that I’m a good mum and I still wouldn’t be able to believe him… I reckon becoming a mum can throw back a lot of bad thoughts of ourselves and in turn we can be so bloody hard on ourselves. BUT I’m really glad you realise that most of it IS just crap your brain is telling you and it simply isn’t true. Brilliant post missus 🙂

    Reply

  3. Heather @betamother
    May 15, 2013 @ 09:43:32

    Great post 🙂 I can relate to this too – I had AND and PND with each pregnancy. My body and brain do not like hormonal changes – that’s the clean and quick version of it anyway 😉 I used to look back on my early yrs in motherhood with utter shame and at times self loathing. Like you I also then went on to have a revelation I’ve built on. In the kids baby photos I look like shit and they, they look like happy, healthy kids – sometimes smiling, sometimes wailing, sometimes picking up worms and examining them, etc. I realised that although I was not the gold standard Mum that other women were telling me they were or had been, I was a good enough Mum, a perfectly imperfect Mum (hence my blog) and a person who was doing my best in very, very, very difficult circumstances which were then seldom understood by anyone ‘medical’ and even less so by family and friends.

    I’ve been learning about the biology of mental health thru my current OU course, it’s fascinating. There are a couple of brain structures that are particularly implicated in putting an ’emotional flavour’ on events (past and present) and they can run riot at times and gather a very negative momentum. There are ways to counter these structure’s influence on your thoughts but the most basic and important one for me was simply to conquer my battles with sleep. I have totally changed my lifestyle so I can sleep well at night and it has paid enormous dividends. Putting together my experiences with some science has really helped me to distance myself from blame and to feel much more in control. Anyway, sorry if I’m talking at you about this – I also have an overactive drive to de-stigmatise mental health and get folk talking about solutions. AKA interfering cowness? Maybe. x

    Reply

    • nurturemybaby
      May 15, 2013 @ 21:09:47

      Thank you for your comment, not interfering cowness at all! Very interested to hear from others that can relate to this business of your brain playing tricks on you. So glad to hear that you had a similar revelation.
      I totally agree with you about sleep, the impact it has on my mood is pretty noticeable to me. What OU course are you doing?

      Reply

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